denied by close friends
betrayed by some you loved most
you continued on

a prayer I wrote a few weeks ago standing out underneath the stars, soaking in the moonlight…

I used to look at the ground with my head down
But now I look all around and to the crown
The crown of thorns that was placed upon your head
So we would no longer be torn and no longer live in dread
I no longer believe it is wrong to constantly ask you for guidance
In the still and the silence
I want my journey to be a prayer that honors and glorifies you
You believed in me when I did not believe in you
You believed in me when I did not believe in myself
And you knew that one day I would see this to be true
You knew I would find you
and begin to understand what it means to be alive and free
You are the whole universe that reminds me
That I cannot live in fear
That I cannot run from the challenges
But face them
And accept them
As they come
You are the light that is guiding me home to Zion
In the mane of the lion
Is the bed I will make
And the rest I will take
All hope is found in you

I do not want to forget
About what I have gone through
To finally find you

Waiting, my Father, waiting for me
Not asking where I have been
Not telling me that I took too long
But saying, with love in his eyes,
I am glad you are here,
This is where you belong
And it is in my presence where you will find all you searched for
All you longed for
All you missed

Remember when you were a child
Young and wild
And you played
You are still my child
So be still: young and wild
And play. Still. Unafraid.
Because I – I paid – for you to be unafraid.
So continue on and do so in peace
Because peace I give you and peace I leave you
Look not on your sins but look to my face
And my loving embrace
But acknowledge your faults and your need
I AM your strength, you are your weakness
Give it all to me
Surrender your heart
And all of your offenses
And you will be made clean

forgive, forgive, forgive.

Just as our Father is ready to forgive us, I should be ready to forgive others – perhaps before I am wronged. There have been situations where I feel hurt or distraught over something someone has done, and even though I don’t feel anger towards them, I need to forgive. What cues me to realize that forgiveness on my part is necessary, is when the thought of what happened keeps reoccurring and causing me grief. It can be days, weeks or months that I have held on to it, occasionally unaware, when I should really be letting it go. Holding on to hard feelings is not only detrimental to our spiritual health but also our mental and physical health. Forgiveness is crucial to our walk with Christ and our journey of life in general. Giving and receiving it.

Today’s Gospel reading (March 6, 2018) is Matthew 18:21-35. Peter asks Jesus how often he should forgive his brother. Jesus’ response is not seven times but seventy times seven. This is a large number and if I am counting up to 490 and still have not forgiven, I may have to turn inward and examine what is causing me to hold on so tightly and start all over again.

In Matthew 6, after the Lord’s prayer, it says, “If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” I can not expect to be forgiven if I am not willing to forgive.

We all sin, we all do wrong – daily! Reflect on the thoughts, words, and actions you have had throughout the day and what may not have been pleasing to God (at some moment on most days, I let my ego get the best of me or I let worry overtake my thoughts). After this reflection, then think of who may have hurt you in what way. Forgive them first and if that is challenging to do so, ask for help!

“Lord, help me forgive this person for what they did that may have caused me to feel distress and hurt whether it was intentional or unintentional. Help me to let go so I may better serve you.”

Also found in the Gospel of Matthew (5:23-24): “If you are offering a gift at the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift at the altar and go, be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.”
I wonder how many Catholics would walk out of the church before receiving the Eucharist if we took this in all seriousness. I know there are definitely times I would (maybe should) have, but I instead receive a blessing over Holy Communion.

In the Gospel of Luke (6:37-42), Jesus begins with something simply stated, “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive and you will be forgiven.” He then goes into the parable of the blind leading the blind and removing the log from our own eye before attempting to remove the speck from our brother’s eye. Easier said than done. Forgiveness takes practice. Many of us are quick to condemn others instead of quick to forgive them. I try my best to be conscious of this within my own heart and to be aware of when I am condemning rather than forgiving, and it takes effort. Sometimes I find myself being condemning of those who are being condemning only to ask myself if there is something wrong with my thought process

In the Gospel of John (8:7), Jesus says, in regards to a women who committed adultery, “let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” How often do I look at the faults of others and “cast stones” at them before examining my own faults?

“Jesus, help me to be slow to cast stones at others for their faults and first look inward and examine my own faults.”