A land with no fences

Another throwback from 2015. Still remember when I was walking on the land I reside on when I thought of this.

 

I now roam a land, a land so vast, so open
A land with no fences, no boundaries.
Time and distance are no matter; they were only a portion of my imagination in the life before.
The paths my feet walk on are illuminated, the grass glows and sways each way in the gentle breeze, the same breeze that caresses my skin and flows through my hair.
The trees here are more majestic than the ones I once knew, the reflections of them stand on the crystal clear water before me.
I realize that I can no longer differentiate the sky and the earth – there is no up, there is no down; gravity does not exist here, nothing holds me to the ground.
My body is lighter, my vision is enhanced, my senses increased.
I encounter strangers I feel I once knew, but no longer recognize.
The one that I recognized, I have longed to meet since the day I was born. A familiar friend, a teacher, a leader, a hero of mine – I always knew within me, but never did see face to face. He approaches me, as tears of joy swell in my eyes. He says to me, “Hello friend, I am glad you are here. Welcome home.”
I am unable to speak, unable to move – except falling to the ground and weeping, but this time not in sorrow. This is the first time I have heard the words “welcome home” and felt it to be true. I am the happiest I have ever been.
“Stand; look at me,” a gentle voice speaks; a soft hand on my arm raises me up.
I look him in the eyes and with a light heart and a free spirit I say “Thank you.”

He told me: “I knew you before you woke up. Before your soul became conscious, I saw you, I held you. When you were conceived was the first time you awoke, birth was the second. Every year, at the same time, you opened your eyes more, until you reached death – now you are fully awake and you are truly alive.”

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Floating through the forest

Original from December 12 ’15

I was floating through the forest, the bare trees surrounding me, my body small compared to their great stature. Dried leaves crinkle beneath my feet, my legs effortlessly carry my weight through the woods. Forward and onward. The sun peaks through just enough to work my skin. This is what I miss – finding freedom in the outdoors, surrounded by the Lord’s perfect art. In this setting, nothing more matters than the land to explore when the chains around the soul break and all desires and worries outside of these woods vanish. All I want is this.

The serenity, the unknown. The unending adventures that lie beyond.

Which ones followed are up to you. This is what you once dreamed of. There is much opportunity – just take the first few steps forward and the rest will come naturally. After you begin walking, even when you feel stuck, confidence keeps you going. Be relentless, wanderer, the less you give up, the more you find.
It’s courage that gets you over that first hill, fear that holds you back. The climb leaves you feeling challenged, don’t look back, that only going to slow you. Sometimes the downhill seems easier but only puts you at where you first began. Move on and over it. You won’t get far with those chains around your ankles, be free of them, be free to move.
Now you ascended from the valley, you are on the first ridge. Life is like a mountain climb, take it in segments, step by step…and most importantly, don’t forget to breathe and take time to soak in the views.

My mind wants to create

From… Sometime in 2015. Original, unrevised.

 

As I gaze amongst the vast plains,
A blank canvas set before me
My mind longs to create
To wander in different realms
Travel to distant lands
From the high mountains, to the low valleys
To the deepest depths, to the chasms and caves
Of the dark space that once appeared as an abyss, never ending, uninhabitable
I descend to the bottom and discover that it contains hidden treasures,
Treasures of my soul, of once unimaginable inventions within me
They stir, in powerful whirls,
as they push me forward and upward
And as I am ascending from the floor, flying out of the cavern,
Clouds of steam and glowing, glittering light surround me
I see the sun again, beyond the clouds
Illuminating them with all of his glorious life
I see the sun again, shining on me
Soaring in beauty and grace above all gravitational pulls
Which I once succumbed to in sedentary solitude
I am alive, I am free

April 2

I wrote this poem April 2nd and 3rd

The meaning is sinking in still, and I am learning from it.
I often times write things to myself, sometimes unintentionally. The words just come out and I take it as a sign of perfect design of the way life works. Writing has been a beautiful gift, I’ve learned much about my journey of depression through it. I’ve come more in tune with my soul and am seeking more. Oh, I have so much more to learn…

 

I’ve felt deep in my soul,
The need to project.
I’ve felt in my heart the pull;
But the necessity to protect
The constructive thought process of my mind.
To open up and let my words flow.
Experiencing life of a new kind;
Expressing why we need to let go

Let go… of our troubles, our worry.
When our brain is running a dark race,
Caught amidst a violent furry…
Slow down to a peaceful pace.

Born from the dust,
Remove your shoes and be one with your mother, earth.
Take a leap with trust…
Experiencing a new birth
Out of the womb of your past.
Moving on and accepting grace
Creating something that will last,
Exposing your true face.

Becoming aligned –
Mind, heart and spirit,
perfectly timed.
The voice is calling, can you hear it?
You’re a warrior,
Built to survive!
Ready for more,
Ready for the dive
Into a positive life.
Learning to be content
Amongst all the strife
Following the path from this journey of lent.

Sometimes you need your own space,
Sometimes there is a need to vent,
But put your complaints in their proper place.
Make your tongue a tool of love,
Not a weapon of destruction.
Put focus on the light above,
For without it you would not function.
Look towards that ascending dove,
Leading you with internal instruction.

Be aware and be fair!
The ones who hate you,
Love them even more;
Because agape love conquers all!
It has every time before,
Still remaining strong and tall.

Listen to the songs that your brother is singing:
Hopeful melodies.
And now you are fully believing
That the poems and music have the remedies
You have been craving.

So sing songs,
And dance along!
Because your heart is at rhythm
With a voice behind the beat,
it longs to be music, too;
To be poured out into beautiful notes,
To be words spilled out onto blank pages,
To be the sounds that fill the empty air…
Sounds that heal
and bond me to you;
a bond that brings us together.

Next time you feel blue,
Remember the nights spent on the porch…
Writing and listening.
To the frogs
And the crickets,
Singing along.
Here, how could you find anything wrong?
With faith continuously growing strong.

Gazing into the sun,
Preparing for a new day,
Intentions to make it a good one.
Only reciting words necessary to say,
This journey has only begun.
Everything will be okay…

or even better than okay.
and although I prefer it that way,
when I come to a day
when I feel torn apart
and don’t want to leave my house,
there is still a tomorrow…

and that tomorrow is today.

Good Friday

oh, much deep sorrow
that is experienced when
your people are torn

our hearts are forlorn
to us a savior was born
but we still chose war

yelling, “crucify!”
we sent the lamb off to die
from him was no cry

while he carried us
heavy burdens in the form
of his Holy Cross

with a new hope that
the nations would finally
unite in the light

psilocybin

Found this gem while going through an old journal, and thought I’d share.
“I dug my fingers in the mud, feeling each and every small pebble within the soil
I reached down deep in the ground to find you, underneath the surface of the earth
I peered down the path before me as I sat naked on the fallen branch
My spirit surrendered as the forest closed in on the trail
The trees on either side danced as they reached for one another
They twisted and distorted in all sorts of different ways and shot out beams of light, side to side, up and down
I felt weightless, floating almost
Tears swelled in my eyes and I was happy
Smiled. Wide. Full of joy.
Because I am here on the earth that wants to love me all the time.
It wants me to feel it.
The atmosphere wants to embrace my body.
Colors among colors, subtle and vibrant.
In the multitude of layers in the sky.
Everything lives, everything breathes.
The rocks in the dirt, the bark of the trees, the stray branches and the moss blankets.
It is all living. It is all connected.
The earth itself is a connection to God. The earth is part of God. Yet we distance ourselves from what makes us feel real, what makes us feel alive.”

– Amanda Joly (Earthen Heart) 12/13/14